In Honor and in Memory of

Before anything else, though I gave my condolences to Yoochun and his family in twitter, I think I need to honor the incident of his father’s passing, which is essentially the source of this post here again. My thoughts are with you always, Yoochun, but especially through this hardship. Please remain strong and carry through.

**Warning: some religious views may be involved, some rants contained, not trying to prove a point but just expressing my thoughts.

In light of the passing of Yoochun’s father, a few thoughts arise. By few, I mean few but substantial ideas. And I think a lot of which came from the thoughts I suppressed during the loss of my own love ones.

Death has always been viewed as something of extreme pain and suffering in human history. And of course, it is absolutely normal for grief and emotional breakdowns to take place during such difficult times. I’m not saying, by any means, that grieving over the loss of love ones is unacceptable, but instead, what I want to suggest is instead of focusing on the loss, why not cherish the memories and be grateful for the miracle that it was he/she you got to share time with?

Strictly biologically speaking, it is incredibly rare that you are “you” from the gene pool of your ancestors. And the same goes for your love ones. So on a pure statistical scale, it is nearly a miracle for exactly you and exactly your love ones to be the ones encountering each other, let alone sharing time together and developing a stable relationship. Of course, one might argue, that this does not apply to Yoochun’s case – but then again, between only parents’ gene pool,the chance of having the exact gene selection as extant in a person isn’t that high either. The way I look at this, is that we are blessed with the opportunities to share our lifetime with our family, friends, and lovers. Therefore I am thankful for whatever force that may have caused this, let it be the stereotypical God or power of statistical chance and luck, and when it’s time for them to leave, I know I have had my fair share of their presence and can hopefully let them go.

I understand that the past is exactly the reason for grief – the idea that this cannot be recreated and new memories will no longer be made with a love one is excruciatingly difficult to bear. But just as everything has a flip side, death in and of itself isn’t all that bad. (And I think this is where all the comments about me being a cold-hearted person comes in.) Death is a new beginning, isn’t it? I don’t know nor do I have a firm belief in what is there awaiting us after death, but it’s not the same as this world. When the love ones embark on their new  journey, certainly the ones still here would feel at loss. But to love someone is to make them as comfortable as possible, especially when they need to take their necessary steps, so don’t let them unwilling to leave. Let them know that you will be fine, that you love them and that you will always remember them.

This is an illogical rant by this point and I’ve lost all hope of making this organized or even merely understandable. The last thing I want to express is the idea of a deceased’s presence. In my opinion, there’s very little that a person can be remembered by. Photos, videos, stories, etc all will diminish one day. To honor someone or to keep someone in  memory, it really comes down to keeping what they want to get across in their lifetime alive. Cherish their presence, their words and their memory through keeping them at heart, remembering them by their essence is really the core of respect and honor. Honestly, the deceased don’t want to see their love ones to grieve over their passing I don’t think. The best that we can do for the passing is to remain strong, carry through, and keep them in your hearts.

Remember that they once loved and always will love you, and keep in mind that you once loved and always will love them.

Carry them where you go, in your heart and mind.

I love you Apo.

 

Lylis

03.15.12 under Philly nightsky.

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