For the first time, I was asked to explain my view and position regarding JYJ and HoMin/DBSK2/TVXQ2. If you happen to read this, my lovely interviewer, please feel my gratitude since you forced me to finally look at this issue.
And when I read the question, my thought was “ahhh, finally there it is…it’s about time”. My thoughts started racing and I think I paused for a long time, at least long enough for her to notice my hesitation. Then as words like “it’s okay…be honest” popped over, I actually got nervous. The chill has officially turned into “sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, what am I going to say?!?!?”.
Now thinking back, I was being unnecessarily nervous and silly. But it’s okay, right? It was a tender spot that was poked, haha.
I’ll start off by stating that I’m a fairly mellow person, but very very easy to please. Little things can make me smile, laugh and squeal with delight, but it takes a lot to anger me, most of my bad mood remain at annoyance and never make it past that stage.
And HoMin have never gotten to that point. Heck, they aren’t even close. I must say I was rather shocked when Changmin decided to stay with SM, but honestly never surprised to find out that Yunho remained. The reason being that I’ve always expected Yunho to be the kind of person who would feel forever in debt to someone if was helped during a difficult time, regardless of what their intention was. Disappointed? Of course.
I read sites after sites, blogs after blogs and endless posts regarding the lawsuit and controversy during 2009 and 2010, trying to find a position for myself but realized that I’m unable to. There’s way too much in the dark and all I can see on the net are biased views. And being the overly logical and picky person I am, it was difficult for me to even agree with either side – and it pains me to be standing in the middle, heartached for both sides. I look at JYJ and I see three brave young men standing up for what they believe is right, asking for what they righteously deserve but have to bear separation from their friends and criticism from the public, let alone the pressure from SM entertainment since then. On the other hand, when I look at HoMin, I don’t see them unaffected either. Some may call it all an act, but I see their pain and loss on their faces and eyes. Regardless of what actually happened or what caused the split, the fact that they lost their brothers remains unchanged, and both sides are hurt.
Ever since the split of the original DBSK, I’ve always hoped deep down that they would reunite one day. I loved their atmosphere as a group of 5, but I guess when there’s a split in understanding and philosophy, that tight-knit atmosphere would have became forced anyway. This realization came slowly and painfully as I resent it everyday.
Things that happened recently choked my heart quite forcefully. I definitely had that small light of hope for Yunho and Changmin to show up to Yoochun’s father’s funeral to at least pay their respect, if not to comfort Yoochun. Well, that didn’t happen, much to my disappointment. And it was at that point when I realized that perhaps reunion isn’t what they wanted. For someone to not show up to a funeral and pay respect, HoMin must have been utter bast*rds or they have nearly no relationship with the person. From my perception of HoMin, if they have a decent relationship still with JYJ, they will show up to the funeral – which simply leaves me no option but to recognize their broken relationship.
Perhaps due to his image, I can harden my heart and turn a cold shoulder towards Yunho, but I think all Cassiopeia, whether were or still are, hold a soft spot for the maknae. Regardless of how manly he may appear now, Changmin will always be the food-craving-blackhole boy in my heart.
Some may call my position neutral, but I know I’m not. I’m known to be a sucker for whoever is victimized more in any situation, but my logic remains in place. I empathize with JYJ much more than I with HoMin, and to many I may seem like a loyal JYJ fan (which I am) but I’m certainly not an anti-Homin fan. Because of my love once for all five of them, I can’t turn into an anti towards any of them.
All I can do, and all I want to do, is to support what we have now and protect the five boys (or men, some may argue) from people who shower them with words made of knives, whom could be their past fans, their antis, the media, or other sources of hatred. I refuse to take offensive actions when protecting them, because I believe that the idols will eventually be held accountable for the actions conducted by their fans, and I don’t want to hurt them in any way. I want to, as a fan, serve as a purely defensive fortress for them – a place where they can come for comfort, where they know they can rely on for support, but will never fire against the enemies and create wars.
So I came to the conclusion that I have always wanted the best for the five of them. Back then, as a fan who see through her own selfish angle, I believed that the best for them is for the five of them to reunite. But now, what I really want is for them to be happy – let it be reunion or staying separate as JYJ and DBSK.
I just want them to smile as they once did. Together or separate.
03.17.12 in sunny Philly with soothing light breeze.